just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't deserve a penis
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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