Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
