I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
