Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
