Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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