Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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