After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
