He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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