I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
