Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
