Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
