omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think I won the penis lottery.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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