Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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