So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
