I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
