I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
