I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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