This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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