Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
