"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
