I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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