just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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