I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
