omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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