The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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