You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
