You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
