My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
