new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we're making bets on your personal life
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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