He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
