Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
