I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
