I cannot find my penis.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
