between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
