I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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