I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
