Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
