Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
