There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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