the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
