Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
