yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
