I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
