Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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