If i come over, it means nothing
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
