Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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