Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
