I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
