well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
