just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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