1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
People in love make me want to vomit
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Thank you for not boning my boss.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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