CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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