I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The ass gains better be worth it
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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