I'm drive I can fine osifer
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she told me i tasted like america
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
